Rules for the Toilet - Revision history

JSS Studios: Added rules 54 - 58, and added some proper Scottish rules, laddie.

2025-07-25T18:44:16Z

Added rules 54 - 58, and added some proper Scottish rules, laddie.

@@ Line 396: / Line 396: @@
 Scottish pipers and drummers need some help here lads! (Scots music plays)
-Alright ya bastards, ??? while I read the rules for the fockin' cludgie.
+Alright ya bastards, daun yer weesht while I read the rules for the fockin' cludgie.
-#Don't fockin' sit and shite like a ???. Yer boggin' shite looks like the ??? from the ??? session me and the boys had last night. Aye, even yer shite looks bloody steamin'.
+#Don't fockin' sit and shite like a bawheid. Yer fockin' shite looks like the bevvy from the ??? session me and the boys had last night. Aye, even yer shite looks bloody steamin'.
 #Sit yer bahoochie down on the cludgie and squeeze out yer shite. Then may leave without wiping yer manky arse (yeah don't want them skiddies lad).
 #No wavin' bye-bye to yer fuckin' shite mate. Yer shites are off ta shite heaven, but ease up, you'll be back here for another shite in the morn's morn mate.
-#(Speak English!) (Ya talk like a ???!) (Oh is  ??? talkin' like a ???, ya tango berry!) (Oh shut your  ???.)
+#(Speak English!) (Ya talk like a wench!) (Och wisnae talkin' like a wench, ya dingleberry!) (Oh shut your gob.)
 ==Sochi Rules==
 [[File:Rules_for_the_Olympic_toilet.jpg|thumb|200px|Sochi rules for the toilet.]]

J5699: Fixed a small error in the previous edit & added a new section in episode 37

2024-05-20T21:29:32Z

Fixed a small error in the previous edit & added a new section in episode 37

← Older revision		Revision as of 16:29, 20 May 2024
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	#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (And by orderly, we mean wear a three-piece tuxedo while relieving your bowels. Blast out butthole behemoths with class and style.)		#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (And by orderly, we mean wear a three-piece tuxedo while relieving your bowels. Blast out butthole behemoths with class and style.)
	#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Use the damn urinals, you toilet wasters! Also, call your doctor right away if your penis has transformed into a sphere.)		#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Use the damn urinals, you toilet wasters! Also, call your doctor right away if your penis has transformed into a sphere.)
			'''Single Rule for the Toilet'''
			*Please do not stand on the toilet seat. That's the fancy way of saying "no sitting and shitting like a damn retard." For the last fucking time, nobody wants to see a fire hose of diarrhea spewing out your butthole. But then again, you're not the goddamn Microsoft Sam. Bombs away.

	===Episode 38===		===Episode 38===

	'''Single Rule for the Toilet'''		'''Single Rule for the Toilet'''
	DO NOT use the floor. Use the toilet. That's the polite way of saying "no sitting and shitting like a damn retard." Don't even think about blasting all that anal fudge on the floor, or I'll make you clean that shit up. With your fucking bare hands.
			*DO NOT use the floor. Use the toilet. That's the polite way of saying "no sitting and shitting like a damn retard." Don't even think about blasting all that anal fudge on the floor, or I'll make you clean that shit up. With your fucking bare hands.

	'''Rules for the Toilet Brush'''		'''Rules for the Toilet Brush'''
	#No stealing the toilet brush and hiding it under your coat. (You '''dirty thief'''! No, seriously, you're gonna get shit all over yourself.)		#No stealing the toilet brush and hiding it under your coat. (You '''dirty thief'''! No, seriously, you're gonna get shit all over yourself.)

J5699: The page has been modified so that it better matches the original wiki. Also, a new section was added to episode 16.

2024-05-20T21:24:19Z

The page has been modified so that it better matches the original wiki. Also, a new section was added to episode 16.

Show changes

JSS Studios: Added Episodes 51 and 52, and the 2023 Canada Day special from the old wiki.

2023-12-28T20:08:50Z

Added Episodes 51 and 52, and the 2023 Canada Day special from the old wiki.

@@ Line 337: / Line 337: @@
 #No challenging the toilet to a rap battle while using a giant turd as a microphone. (''Proceeds to rap''  I'm the goddamn Sam, and I'm here to say, I've got the best shit in the USA!)
-===Sochi Rules===
+===Episode 51===
 [[File:Rules_for_the_Olympic_toilet.jpg|thumb|200px]]
 #Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Do not hang from the ceiling and aim your anus at the toilet. It will miss and the FSB will make you clean it up with your tongue.)
 #No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Your other partner in the stall doesn't need to see your fat, smelly, and disgusting penis.)
 #No praying to the toilet gods or puking in the toilet. (It will disturb your stallmate.)
-#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (No one wants to see your partially digested vodka when you do that. If you do this, the FSB will force you to clean the toilet bowl with your tongue.)
+#No sitting and shitting like a damn idiot. (No one wants to see your partially digested vodka when you do that. If you do this, the FSB will force you to clean the toilet bowl with your tongue.)
 #No fishing in the toilet. (You're not Vladimir Putin, you won't be able to catch a great white shark like a badass.)
 #No taking drugs. (That is messed up.)

J5699: Added Episode 50 Rules, added link to Microsoft Mary in Ladies Rules, and changed banjo caption to italic

2023-07-08T22:21:15Z

Added Episode 50 Rules, added link to Microsoft Mary in Ladies Rules, and changed banjo caption to italic

← Older revision		Revision as of 17:21, 8 July 2023
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	#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Christmas is coming, the turd is getting fat, no one wants to see it spewing out just like that!)		#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Christmas is coming, the turd is getting fat, no one wants to see it spewing out just like that!)
	#No leaving the bathroom without flushing your shit down the toilet. (Flush that smelly fucking shit away, unless your enemy is using the toilet next and you want to put your chemical weapon to good use.)		#No leaving the bathroom without flushing your shit down the toilet. (Flush that smelly fucking shit away, unless your enemy is using the toilet next and you want to put your chemical weapon to good use.)
	#No performing a musical number on the toilet. ("Proceeds to play banjo" Come on come on, squeeze those turds out those buttholes!)		#No performing a musical number on the toilet. (''Proceeds to play banjo'' Come on come on, squeeze those turds out those buttholes!)
	===Episode 45===		===Episode 45===
	'''Part 1'''		'''Part 1'''
	#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Sit up straight and prepare those buttocks for a massive anal evacuation. No matter how painfully volcanic your diarrhea dump feels like as it shreds your anus, keep those buttocks firmly on the toilet seat.)		#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Sit up straight and prepare those buttocks for a massive anal evacuation. No matter how painfully volcanic your diarrhea dump feels like as it shreds your anus, keep those buttocks firmly on the toilet seat.)
	#No standing and spewing your disgusting hippopotamus diarrhea dump all over the fucking toilet. (You disgusting fucking shit! Don't even fucking think of turning the toilet into your latest modern art piece "The Spectacularly Shitty Shitter".)		#No standing and spewing your disgusting hippopotamus diarrhea dump all over the fucking toilet. (You disgusting fucking shit! Don't even fucking think of turning the toilet into your latest modern art piece "The Spectacularly Shitty Shitter".)

	'''Part 2'''		'''Part 2'''
	#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (BITCH WE HAVE 5 URINALS IN THIS FUCKING BATHROOM STOP WASTING ONE OF OUR PRECIOUS TOILETS WITH YOUR PATHETIC FUCKING PISS AND USE THE FUCKING URINAL GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!!)		#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (BITCH WE HAVE 5 URINALS IN THIS FUCKING BATHROOM STOP WASTING ONE OF OUR PRECIOUS TOILETS WITH YOUR PATHETIC FUCKING PISS AND USE THE FUCKING URINAL GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!!)
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	#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (This redundant rule brought to you by the Rules of Redundancy in the Department of Redundant Rules Department.)		#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (This redundant rule brought to you by the Rules of Redundancy in the Department of Redundant Rules Department.)
	#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Yes, we know you ate baked beans, creamed corn, and surstromming last night. No, we do not fucking need to see it spewing out your super-tight butthole at 45 mph.)		#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Yes, we know you ate baked beans, creamed corn, and surstromming last night. No, we do not fucking need to see it spewing out your super-tight butthole at 45 mph.)

	'''Part 3'''		'''Part 3'''
	#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Peeing in the toilet standing up will summon violent storm clouds that will engulf the skies and strike lightning upon the penises of those who would dare violate this sacred rule for the toilet. Do not be foolish.)		#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Peeing in the toilet standing up will summon violent storm clouds that will engulf the skies and strike lightning upon the penises of those who would dare violate this sacred rule for the toilet. Do not be foolish.)
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	#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Place your big booty butt cheeks on the toilet and sit up straight, that shit isn't coming out if you slouch like a gamer. Only the best posture will allow that massive shit to shoot out your super-tight butthole. But if you get shit stuck on your buttcrack, just give your butt cheeks a good slap and hope that butt slap knocks that shit out. Just don't disturb the other bathroom users.)		#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Place your big booty butt cheeks on the toilet and sit up straight, that shit isn't coming out if you slouch like a gamer. Only the best posture will allow that massive shit to shoot out your super-tight butthole. But if you get shit stuck on your buttcrack, just give your butt cheeks a good slap and hope that butt slap knocks that shit out. Just don't disturb the other bathroom users.)
	#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (The last time someone sat and shat like a damn retard, it was in the middle of a tornado. The tornado burst into the bathroom, absorbed all that damn shit, and became a massive EF5 turdnado that killed everyone in the town. Aint that some shit!)		#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (The last time someone sat and shat like a damn retard, it was in the middle of a tornado. The tornado burst into the bathroom, absorbed all that damn shit, and became a massive EF5 turdnado that killed everyone in the town. Aint that some shit!)

	'''Shower Rules'''		'''Shower Rules'''
	*No having a shower while you're standing outside of the fucking bathtub.		*No having a shower while you're standing outside of the fucking bathtub.

	'''Urinal Rules'''		'''Urinal Rules'''
	#Stand and pee in an orderly manner. (Keep those shoulders straight as you show everyone how hard you can pee. Make eye contact to assert dominance and scare everyone else away from the urinals so you can pee in peace.)		#Stand and pee in an orderly manner. (Keep those shoulders straight as you show everyone how hard you can pee. Make eye contact to assert dominance and scare everyone else away from the urinals so you can pee in peace.)
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	#No peeing in the urinal with your foot on the urinal. (Now we can all see your disgusting penis and your piss-poor penis aim.)		#No peeing in the urinal with your foot on the urinal. (Now we can all see your disgusting penis and your piss-poor penis aim.)
	#No challenge pissing. (Pissy parabolas are too fucking easy. Piss six feet straight up and not get wet, then we'll fucking talk.)		#No challenge pissing. (Pissy parabolas are too fucking easy. Piss six feet straight up and not get wet, then we'll fucking talk.)

	'''Toilet Rules Part 2'''		'''Toilet Rules Part 2'''
	#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Keep that butthole aimed directly at the toilet bowl as you blast out all that anal fudge out of your anus.)		#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Keep that butthole aimed directly at the toilet bowl as you blast out all that anal fudge out of your anus.)
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	#No having a loud-ass phone conversation while peeing in the toilet standing up. (And she was all like, "I don't even like lamb chops", so I was like, "But what about, like, what about the lamb steak you literally ate literally like yesterday?" Like, I don't even, like, get it.)		#No having a loud-ass phone conversation while peeing in the toilet standing up. (And she was all like, "I don't even like lamb chops", so I was like, "But what about, like, what about the lamb steak you literally ate literally like yesterday?" Like, I don't even, like, get it.)
	#No pissing a pissy parabola into the toilet. (Hey, check out this neat little piss trick!)		#No pissing a pissy parabola into the toilet. (Hey, check out this neat little piss trick!)
			'''Ladies' Toilet Rules (feat. [[Microsoft Mary]])'''
	'''Ladies' Toilet Rules (feat. Microsoft Mary)'''
	#No sitting and peeing like a damn retard. (Ladies, are you trying to look like those uncivilized creatures in the other bathroom? Sit your ass down and pee like all fair ladies should.)		#No sitting and peeing like a damn retard. (Ladies, are you trying to look like those uncivilized creatures in the other bathroom? Sit your ass down and pee like all fair ladies should.)
	#No doing your makeup while peeing all over the CLOSED toilet seat. (You're trying to multitask and now you're turning the ladies' bathroom into the men's bathroom! Once I clean this fucking piss up, I'm going to put on my best look, "The Pissed-Off Bitch".)		#No doing your makeup while peeing all over the CLOSED toilet seat. (You're trying to multitask and now you're turning the ladies' bathroom into the men's bathroom! Once I clean this fucking piss up, I'm going to put on my best look, "The Pissed-Off Bitch".)
	#No constructing a massive porcelain throne with an entire goddamn roll of toilet paper. (All will kneel before Mary, Queen of Shits!)		#No constructing a massive porcelain throne with an entire goddamn roll of toilet paper. (All will kneel before Mary, Queen of Shits!)
	#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Ignore the sign. Assert dominance over other bitches and pee in the toilet standing up.)		#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Ignore the sign. Assert dominance over other bitches and pee in the toilet standing up.)

	'''Tons and Tons of Rules'''		'''Tons and Tons of Rules'''
	#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Ponder all your life decisions and focus intensely as you really try to squeeze out that constipated bowel behemoth from your butthole.)		#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Ponder all your life decisions and focus intensely as you really try to squeeze out that constipated bowel behemoth from your butthole.)
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	#Flush your toilet paper down the toilet. (Do not flush anything else. Paper towels, bath mats, toothbrushes, math homework, nuclear warheads, last night's creamed corn and cabbage, don't fucking flush that shit down the toilet.)		#Flush your toilet paper down the toilet. (Do not flush anything else. Paper towels, bath mats, toothbrushes, math homework, nuclear warheads, last night's creamed corn and cabbage, don't fucking flush that shit down the toilet.)
	#Flush the toilet. Several times. (Only way to be sure your galaxy-sized shit squeezes through the fucking pipes.)		#Flush the toilet. Several times. (Only way to be sure your galaxy-sized shit squeezes through the fucking pipes.)

	'''Urinal Rules'''		'''Urinal Rules'''
	#Pee in the urinal. (Is that piss, or is it his absolutely massive penis accidentally slamming into the urinal?)		#Pee in the urinal. (Is that piss, or is it his absolutely massive penis accidentally slamming into the urinal?)
	#Um, er, I don't get it. Whatever, I gotta piss.		#Um, er, I don't get it. Whatever, I gotta piss.

	'''Classic Rules'''		'''Classic Rules'''
	#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (The butler will be along shortly with a selection of fine wines to sip while you're taking a fine shit.)		#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (The butler will be along shortly with a selection of fine wines to sip while you're taking a fine shit.)
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	#No fishing in the toilet. (Put the goddamn fishing pole away, you won't find a Barraturda.)		#No fishing in the toilet. (Put the goddamn fishing pole away, you won't find a Barraturda.)
	#No peeing in the urinal like a bitch. (GOD FUCKING DAMN IT WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE PISS PROPERLY?!)		#No peeing in the urinal like a bitch. (GOD FUCKING DAMN IT WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE PISS PROPERLY?!)
			===Episode 50===
			'''Part 1'''
			#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Ponder all your mistakes and poor life choices, that usually helps the anal fudge blast out your butthole faster.)
			#No sitting and shitting like you're riding on a horse. Onward noble Steeds, ready your plungers and prepare to fight the urinal hordes!)
			#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. BACKWARDS. (Bitch you're not even aiming your anus at the toilet! Nobody needs to see an EF5 turdnado spewing out your anus at 300mph!)
			#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Well, at least now you're aiming your anus at the toilet, but still, SIT AND SHIT IN AN ORDERLY FUCKING MANNER!)
			#No smoking in toilet. (Hey, put the fucking cigarette away, the bathroom is full of gas!)
			'''Part 2 (German)'''
			#Sit and ''schnitzel'' in an orderly manner. (Remember to flex those muscles while that massive ''bratwurst'' blasts out your ''autobahn''.)
			#No sitting and ''schnitzel'' like a damn ''schweinehund''.
			'''Part 3'''
			#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Yes, we know you ate incredibly spicy Mexican food. No, we do not need to fucking see the fire diarrhea spewing out your butthole faster than the speed of sound.)
			#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (GOD FUCKING DAMN IT IT'S SO FUCKING EASY JUST SIT LIKE A NORMAL GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING PERSON AND SHIT QUIETLY, WHY DO YOU UNHINGED DONUTS INSIST ON USING THE TOILET LIKE A PROLAPSING BUFFALO THAT JUST ATE 27,000 LAXATIVES GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
			#Throw the entire goddamned toilet paper roll in the toilet. (Oh, okay!)
			'''Part 4 (Classic rules)'''
			#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Think about, how a butler would empty his bowels. Yes, by sitting quietly like a fine gentleman, not like a loud-ass water buffalo in heat spewing out diarrhea so fast it makes a garden hose look like a fucking dripping faucet.)
			#No puking in the toilet. (The toilet is for anal diarrhea, not verbal diarrhea!)
			#No fishing in the toilet. (You just shat out a river of diarrhea, your stupid ass fishing pole won't have much luck catching liquid. Dipshit.)
			#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Use the fucking urinals, nobody needs to see your disgusting and tiny penis.)
			#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. ("Oh yes we all want to see shit sausages squeezing out your butthole in full view of fucking everyone!" Fucking idiot.)
			#No challenging the toilet to a rap battle while using a giant turd as a microphone. (''Proceeds to rap'' I'm the goddamn Sam, and I'm here to say, I've got the best shit in the USA!)


	===Sochi Rules===		===Sochi Rules===

J5699: Changed episode 48 to match fandom wiki and added episode 49

2023-04-04T00:36:04Z

Changed episode 48 to match fandom wiki and added episode 49

← Older revision		Revision as of 19:36, 3 April 2023
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	#Close the lid after you're done sitting and shitting. (Huh, but no requirement to flush after using the toilet. Heh heh heh.)		#Close the lid after you're done sitting and shitting. (Huh, but no requirement to flush after using the toilet. Heh heh heh.)
	===Episode 48===		===Episode 48===
	'''Toilet Rules ~~Part 1~~'''		'''Men's Toilet Rules'''
	#No sitting and peeing like a damn retard. (I just know you're going to lose control and end up spewing out a geyser of explosive diarrhea out your super-tight butthole.)		#No sitting and peeing like a damn retard. (I just know you're going to lose control and end up spewing out a geyser of explosive diarrhea out your super-tight butthole.)
	#No freestyle peeing in the toilet. ("Look ma, no hands!")		#No freestyle peeing in the toilet. (Look Ma, no hands!)
	#No having a loud ass phone conversation while peeing in the toilet standing up. (And she was all like, "I don't even like lamb chops", so I was like, "But what about, like, what about the lamb steak you literally ate literally like yesterday? Like, I don't even, like, get it.")		#No having a loud-ass phone conversation while peeing in the toilet standing up. (And she was all like, "I don't even like lamb chops", so I was like, "But what about, like, what about the lamb steak you literally ate literally like yesterday?" Like, I don't even, like, get it.)
	#No pissing a pissy parabola into the toilet. (Hey, check out this neat little piss trick!)		#No pissing a pissy parabola into the toilet. (Hey, check out this neat little piss trick!)

	'''~~Toilet Rules Part 2 (~~Ladies' Toilet Rules)'''		'''Ladies' Toilet Rules (feat. Microsoft Mary)'''
	#No sitting and peeing like a damn retard. (Ladies, are you trying to look like those uncivilized creatures in the other bathroom? Sit your ass down and pee like all fair ladies should.)		#No sitting and peeing like a damn retard. (Ladies, are you trying to look like those uncivilized creatures in the other bathroom? Sit your ass down and pee like all fair ladies should.)
	#No doing your makeup while peeing all over the, CLOSED, toilet seat. You're trying to multitask and now you're turning the ladies' bathroom into the men's bathroom. Once I clean this fucking piss up, I'm going to put on my best look "The Pissed Off Bitch".)		#No doing your makeup while peeing all over the CLOSED toilet seat. (You're trying to multitask and now you're turning the ladies' bathroom into the men's bathroom! Once I clean this fucking piss up, I'm going to put on my best look, "The Pissed-Off Bitch".)
	#No constructing a massive porcelain throne with an entire ~~goddamned~~ roll of toilet paper. (All will kneel before Mary, Queen of Shits.)		#No constructing a massive porcelain throne with an entire goddamn roll of toilet paper. (All will kneel before Mary, Queen of Shits!)
	#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Ignore the sign. Assert dominance over other bitches and pee in the toilet standing up.)		#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Ignore the sign. Assert dominance over other bitches and pee in the toilet standing up.)

	'''~~Toilet~~ Rules ~~Part 3~~'''		'''Tons and Tons of Rules'''
	#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Ponder all your life decisions and focus intensely as you really try to squeeze out that constipated bowel behemoth from your butthole.)		#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Ponder all your life decisions and focus intensely as you really try to squeeze out that constipated bowel behemoth from your butthole.)
	#No smoking and shitting. (Yeah, smoking makes my voice sound deep. Deep, just like this massive fucking turd stuck in my anus.)		#No smoking and shitting. (Yeah, smoking makes my voice sound deep. Deep, just like this massive fucking turd stuck in my anus.)
	#No peeing in front of the toilet. (Yes, your penis is so small it can't even hit the toilet bowl.)		#No peeing in front of the toilet. (Yes, your penis is so small it can't even hit the toilet bowl.)
	#No throwing garbage into the toilet. (This includes your screaming little air raid sirens.)		#No throwing garbage into the toilet. (This includes your screaming little air raid sirens.)
	#No sitting and shitting on the toilet tank. (It's bad enough you clog the bowl, but if I find a massive fucking turd in the tank I will shove the toilet up your stupid ass.)		#No sitting and shitting on the toilet tank. (It's bad enough you clog the bowl, but if I find a massive fucking turd in the tank, I will shove the toilet up your stupid ass.)
	#No performing intense, climactic action on the toilet. (Well, that's one way to loosen up that super-tight butthole.)		#No performing intense, climactic action on the toilet. (Well, that's one way to loosen up that super-tight butthole.)
	#No sleeping on the toilet. (Counting sheep helps, counting shit does not.)		#No sleeping on the toilet. (Counting sheep helps, counting shit does not.)
	#No sleeping on the bathroom floor. (~~The~~ floor has been pissed on, shit on, and ~~god~~ knows what else. Sleep tight.)		#No sleeping on the bathroom floor. (the floor has been pissed on, shit on, and God knows what else. Sleep tight.)
	#No setting the toilet bowl on fire and having a campfire. (Ah, roasted turds over an open fire!)		#No setting the toilet bowl on fire and having a campfire. (Ah, roasted turds over an open fire!)
	#No stealing the entire fucking toilet and running away like a maniac. (Toilet Man, Toilet Man, does whatever a toilet can. Takes a dump, any size, clogs the pipes, plunger cries, ~~look out, here~~ comes the Toilet Man!)		#No stealing the entire fucking toilet and running away like a maniac. (Toilet Man, Toilet Man, does whatever a toilet can! Takes a dump, any size, clogs the pipes, plunger cries, LOOK OUT! Here comes the Toilet Man!)
	#No skiing on the toilet. (The ~~bunny slope~~ is too easy~~. The butthole slope~~ is for only the most extreme skiers.)		#No skiing on the toilet. (The Bunny Slope is too easy, the Butthole Slope is for only the most extreme skiers.)
	#No planting a tree in the toilet bowl. (You can't stop me, the ~~Goddamn~~ Microsoft Sam will grow a tree "The ~~Mighty Shitquoia"~~!)		#No planting a tree in the toilet bowl. (You can't stop me, the goddamn Microsoft Sam will grow a tree, the mighty Shitquoia!)
			===Episode 49===
			'''Toilet Rules'''
			#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (The last person who tried to join the National Aeronautics and Shit Administration destroyed the entire fucking toilet with his rocket-propelled diarrhea. Sit and shit in an orderly manner, god damn it!)
			#Point at the toilet paper and say, "Toilet paper!"
			#Flush your toilet paper down the toilet. (Do not flush anything else. Paper towels, bath mats, toothbrushes, math homework, nuclear warheads, last night's creamed corn and cabbage, don't fucking flush that shit down the toilet.)
			#Flush the toilet. Several times. (Only way to be sure your galaxy-sized shit squeezes through the fucking pipes.)

			'''Urinal Rules'''
			#Pee in the urinal. (Is that piss, or is it his absolutely massive penis accidentally slamming into the urinal?)
			#Um, er, I don't get it. Whatever, I gotta piss.

			'''Classic Rules'''
			#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (The butler will be along shortly with a selection of fine wines to sip while you're taking a fine shit.)
			#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Your penis is pissing off the toilet.)
			#No praying to the toilet gods for relief from your horrific constipation clogging up your super-tight butthole. (Or no vomiting in the toilet or some bullshit like that.)
			#No sitting and shitting liuke a damn retard. (Sit. Normally. God. Fucking. Damn it.)
			#No fishing in the toilet. (Put the goddamn fishing pole away, you won't find a Barraturda.)
			#No peeing in the urinal like a bitch. (GOD FUCKING DAMN IT WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE PISS PROPERLY?!)

	===Sochi Rules===		===Sochi Rules===

J5699: Added episode 48

2023-01-01T17:20:59Z

Added episode 48

@@ Line 254: / Line 254: @@
 ===Episode 46===
 #Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (We don't fucking care if it feels like and sounds like a fucking volcano exploding out your super-tight butthole, sit and fucking shit like a good boy.)
-#No peeing on the toilet seat standing up. (Point fucking blank range and you can't even hit the fucking bowl. It's bad enough we have to see you disgusting penis, but now you're making a pissy mess that's pissing me the fuck off, and I will make you clean this fucking pissy shit up.)
+#No peeing on the toilet seat standing up. (Point fucking blank range and you can't even hit the fucking bowl. It's bad enough we have to see your disgusting penis, but now you're making a pissy mess that's pissing me the fuck off, and I will make you clean this fucking pissy shit up.)
 #No praying for a healthy bowel movement after you've just eaten a fuck ton of super spicy Mexican food. (Or is that no puking in the toilet? Fuck it, either works.)
 #No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Nobody needs to fucking see the Yellowstone geyser of diarrhea spewing out your anus at 93 mph.)
@@ Line 280: / Line 280: @@
 #No flushing trash down the toilet. Use the trash can outside. (OK, away goes Mary's shitty music collection.)
 #Close the lid after you're done sitting and shitting. (Huh, but no requirement to flush after using the toilet. Heh heh heh.)
 ===Sochi Rules===
 [[File:Rules_for_the_Olympic_toilet.jpg|thumb|200px]]

J5699: Changed previous rules to match the other wiki.

2023-01-01T16:43:39Z

Changed previous rules to match the other wiki.

J5699: Added episode 47 rules

2022-09-24T22:42:17Z

Added episode 47 rules

@@ Line 257: / Line 257: @@
 #No fishing in the toilet. (Do not fucking fish in the toilet. Go try ice fishing instead and shove that fishing pole in your tight ice hole.)
 #No pissing in the toilet like a bitch. (Yes, you may have the world's most proficient penis aiming skills. No, do not fucking pee like a bitch, just use the fucking urinals.)
 ===Sochi Rules===
 [[File:Rules_for_the_Olympic_toilet.jpg|thumb|200px]]

J5699: Added rules from episode 46

2022-07-01T17:02:30Z

Added rules from episode 46

← Older revision		Revision as of 12:02, 1 July 2022
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	#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Peeing in the toilet standing up will summon violent storm clouds that will engulf the skies and strike lightning upon the penises of those who would dare violate this sacred rule for the toilet. Do not be foolish.)		#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Peeing in the toilet standing up will summon violent storm clouds that will engulf the skies and strike lightning upon the penises of those who would dare violate this sacred rule for the toilet. Do not be foolish.)
	#Be hip. Be cool. Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Fucking hell this ukulele vlog music is so goddamn overused!)		#Be hip. Be cool. Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Fucking hell this ukulele vlog music is so goddamn overused!)
			===Episode 46===
			#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (We don't fucking care if it feels like and sounds like a fucking volcano exploding out your super-tight butthole, sit and fucking shit like a good boy.)
			#No peeing on the toilet seat standing up. (Point fucking blank range and you can't even hit the fucking bowl. It's bad enough we have to see your disgusting penis, but now you're making a pissy mess that's pissing me the fuck off and I will make you clean this fucking pissy shit up.)
			#No praying for a healthy bowel movement after you've just eaten a fuck ton of super spicy Mexican food. (Or is that no puking in the toilet? Fuck it, either works.)
			#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Nobody needs to fucking see the Yellowstone geyser of diarrhea spewing out your anus at 93 mph.)
			#No fishing in the toilet. (Do not fucking fish in the toilet. Go try ice fishing instead and shove that fishing pole in your tight ice hole.)
			#No pissing in the toilet like a bitch. (Yes, you may have the world's most proficient penis aiming skills. No, do not fucking pee like a bitch, just use the fucking urinals.)
	===Sochi Rules===		===Sochi Rules===
	[[File:Rules_for_the_Olympic_toilet.jpg\|thumb\|200px]]		[[File:Rules_for_the_Olympic_toilet.jpg\|thumb\|200px]]

← Older revision		Revision as of 11:43, 1 January 2023
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	#No handstands on the toilet. (Don't even think about it. All it takes is one sudden loss of gravity and we've got a turdnado on our hands.)		#No handstands on the toilet. (Don't even think about it. All it takes is one sudden loss of gravity and we've got a turdnado on our hands.)
	#No whimpering and shitting and regretting your poor life choices. (Who cares if you've lost your job and your money and your girlfriend? The toilet only wants your shit, not your personal problems.)		#No whimpering and shitting and regretting your poor life choices. (Who cares if you've lost your job and your money and your girlfriend? The toilet only wants your shit, not your personal problems.)
	#No performing a spontaneous musical number. (Don't miss the thrilling new musical ~~- ''~~Butthole Blockage on Broadway''!)		#No performing a spontaneous musical number. (Don't miss the thrilling new musical "Butthole Blockage on Broadway"!)
	'''Part 3'''		'''Part 3'''
	#Sit and shit while concentrating intensely. (Focus on blasting all that anal fudge out of your anus at blazing speed. Nothing else matters.)		#Sit and shit while concentrating intensely. (Focus on blasting all that anal fudge out of your anus at blazing speed. Nothing else matters.)
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	#No sitting and smoking and shitting like a damn retard. (No one wants to fucking see your smoky diarrhea spewing out your butthole.)		#No sitting and smoking and shitting like a damn retard. (No one wants to fucking see your smoky diarrhea spewing out your butthole.)
	#No leaving the bathroom while leaving the faucet running. (The toilet gods will show no mercy to those who flood the bathroom.)		#No leaving the bathroom while leaving the faucet running. (The toilet gods will show no mercy to those who flood the bathroom.)
	#No peeing in front of the toilet. (~~Bitch you~~'~~re standing like a foot away from the toilet just aim your fuckity fuck fucking penis fucking properly~~!)		#No peeing in front of the toilet. (BITCH YOU'RE STANDING LIKE A FOOT AWAY FROM THE TOILET JUST AIM YOUR FUCKITY FUCK FUCKING PENIS FUCKING PROPERLY!!!)
	#No pointing dramatically at the faucet. (''Bum Bum BUMMMMMMMMM'')		#No pointing dramatically at the faucet. (Bum Bum BUMMMMMMMMM)
	#No washing your feet in the sink. (Your toenail jam will clog the fucking sink, so keep your disgusting feet the fuck out of the sink.)		#No washing your feet in the sink. (Your toenail jam will clog the fucking sink, so keep your disgusting feet the fuck out of the sink.)
	#No creating magnificent art pieces with your own feces. (Check out my modern art!)		#No creating magnificent art pieces with your own feces. (Check out my modern art!)
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	#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Christmas is coming, the turd is getting fat, no one wants to see it spewing out just like that!)		#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Christmas is coming, the turd is getting fat, no one wants to see it spewing out just like that!)
	#No leaving the bathroom without flushing your shit down the toilet. (Flush that smelly fucking shit away, unless your enemy is using the toilet next and you want to put your chemical weapon to good use.)		#No leaving the bathroom without flushing your shit down the toilet. (Flush that smelly fucking shit away, unless your enemy is using the toilet next and you want to put your chemical weapon to good use.)
	#No performing a musical number on the toilet. (''Proceeds to play banjo'' Come on come on, squeeze those turds out those buttholes!)		#No performing a musical number on the toilet. ("Proceeds to play banjo" Come on come on, squeeze those turds out those buttholes!)
	===Episode 45===		===Episode 45===
	'''Part 1'''		'''Part 1'''
	#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Sit up straight and prepare those buttocks for a massive anal evacuation. No matter how painfully volcanic your diarrhea dump feels like as it shreds your anus, keep those buttocks firmly on the toilet seat.)		#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Sit up straight and prepare those buttocks for a massive anal evacuation. No matter how painfully volcanic your diarrhea dump feels like as it shreds your anus, keep those buttocks firmly on the toilet seat.)
	#No standing and spewing your disgusting hippopotamus diarrhea dump all over the fucking toilet. (You disgusting fucking shit. Don't even fucking think of turning the toilet into your latest modern art piece ~~- ''~~The Spectacularly Shitty Shitter~~''!~~)		#No standing and spewing your disgusting hippopotamus diarrhea dump all over the fucking toilet. (You disgusting fucking shit! Don't even fucking think of turning the toilet into your latest modern art piece "The Spectacularly Shitty Shitter".)

	'''Part 2'''		'''Part 2'''
	#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (~~Bitch we have~~ 5 ~~urinals in this fucking bathroom stop wasting one of our precious toilets with your pathetic fucking piss and use the fucking urinal god fucking dammit~~!)		#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (BITCH WE HAVE 5 URINALS IN THIS FUCKING BATHROOM STOP WASTING ONE OF OUR PRECIOUS TOILETS WITH YOUR PATHETIC FUCKING PISS AND USE THE FUCKING URINAL GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!!)
	#Sit and shit while enjoying a huge ass slice of pizza. (The pizza's good, but these desserts just suck. Urinal cakes taste like absolute piss.)		#Sit and shit while enjoying a huge-ass slice of pizza. (The pizza's good, but these desserts just suck. Urinal cakes taste like absolute piss.)
	#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Concentrate and think deeply, as a colossal bowel behemoth bursts from your butthole.)		#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Concentrate and think deeply as a colossal bowel behemoth bursts from your butthole.)
	#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (This redundant rule brought to you by the ~~rules~~ of ~~redundancy~~ in the ~~department~~ of ~~redundant rules department~~.)		#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (This redundant rule brought to you by the Rules of Redundancy in the Department of Redundant Rules Department.)
	#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Yes, we know you ate baked beans, creamed corn, and ~~surströmming~~ last night. No, we do not fucking need to see it spewing out your super-tight butthole at 45 mph.)		#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Yes, we know you ate baked beans, creamed corn, and surstromming last night. No, we do not fucking need to see it spewing out your super-tight butthole at 45 mph.)

	'''Part 3'''		'''Part 3'''
	#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Peeing in the toilet standing up will summon violent storm clouds that will engulf the skies and strike lightning upon the penises of those who would dare violate this sacred rule for the toilet. Do not be foolish.)		#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Peeing in the toilet standing up will summon violent storm clouds that will engulf the skies and strike lightning upon the penises of those who would dare violate this sacred rule for the toilet. Do not be foolish.)
	#Be hip. Be cool. Sit and shit in an orderly manner~~. (Fucking hell this ukulele vlog music is so goddamn overused~~!)		#Be hip! Be cool! Sit and shit in an orderly manner!
	===Episode 46===		===Episode 46===
	#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (We don't fucking care if it feels like and sounds like a fucking volcano exploding out your super-tight butthole, sit and fucking shit like a good boy.)		#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (We don't fucking care if it feels like and sounds like a fucking volcano exploding out your super-tight butthole, sit and fucking shit like a good boy.)
	#No peeing on the toilet seat standing up. (Point fucking blank range and you can't even hit the fucking bowl. It's bad enough we have to see ~~your~~ disgusting penis, but now you're making a pissy mess that's pissing me the fuck off and I will make you clean this fucking pissy shit up.)		#No peeing on the toilet seat standing up. (Point fucking blank range and you can't even hit the fucking bowl. It's bad enough we have to see you disgusting penis, but now you're making a pissy mess that's pissing me the fuck off, and I will make you clean this fucking pissy shit up.)
	#No praying for a healthy bowel movement after you've just eaten a fuck ton of super spicy Mexican food. (Or is that no puking in the toilet? Fuck it, either works.)		#No praying for a healthy bowel movement after you've just eaten a fuck ton of super spicy Mexican food. (Or is that no puking in the toilet? Fuck it, either works.)
	#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Nobody needs to fucking see the Yellowstone geyser of diarrhea spewing out your anus at 93 mph.)		#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Nobody needs to fucking see the Yellowstone geyser of diarrhea spewing out your anus at 93 mph.)
Line 258:		Line 260:
	#No pissing in the toilet like a bitch. (Yes, you may have the world's most proficient penis aiming skills. No, do not fucking pee like a bitch, just use the fucking urinals.)		#No pissing in the toilet like a bitch. (Yes, you may have the world's most proficient penis aiming skills. No, do not fucking pee like a bitch, just use the fucking urinals.)
	===Episode 47===		===Episode 47===
	'''Toilet Rules'''		'''Toilet Rules Part 1'''
	#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Place your big booty butt cheeks on the toilet and sit up straight, that shit isn't coming out if you slouch like a gamer. Only the best posture will allow that massive shit to shoot out your super-tight butthole. But if you get shit stuck on your ~~butt crack~~, just give your butt cheeks a good slap and hope that butt slap knocks that shit out. Just don't disturb the other bathroom users.)		#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Place your big booty butt cheeks on the toilet and sit up straight, that shit isn't coming out if you slouch like a gamer. Only the best posture will allow that massive shit to shoot out your super-tight butthole. But if you get shit stuck on your buttcrack, just give your butt cheeks a good slap and hope that butt slap knocks that shit out. Just don't disturb the other bathroom users.)
	#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (The last time someone sat and shat like a damn retard, it was in the middle of a tornado. The tornado burst into the bathroom, absorbed all that damn shit, and became a massive EF5 ~~tornado~~ that killed everyone in the town. ~~Ain't~~ that some shit?)		#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (The last time someone sat and shat like a damn retard, it was in the middle of a tornado. The tornado burst into the bathroom, absorbed all that damn shit, and became a massive EF5 turdnado that killed everyone in the town. Aint that some shit!)

	'''Shower Rules'''		'''Shower Rules'''
	*No having a shower while you're standing outside of the fucking bathtub.		*No having a shower while you're standing outside of the fucking bathtub.

	'''Urinal Rules'''		'''Urinal Rules'''
	#Stand and pee in an orderly manner. (Keep those shoulders straight as you show everyone how hard you can pee. Make eye contact to assert dominance and scare everyone else away from the urinals so you can pee in peace.)		#Stand and pee in an orderly manner. (Keep those shoulders straight as you show everyone how hard you can pee. Make eye contact to assert dominance and scare everyone else away from the urinals so you can pee in peace.)
	#No piss poor pissing aim. (Point fucking blank range, how the fuck can you miss from that close? Then again, having a boner can make your piss spray like a tornado.)		#No piss-poor pissing aim. (Point fucking blank range, how the fuck can you miss from that close? Then again, having a boner can make your piss spray like a tornado.)
	#No peeing in the urinal with your foot on the urinal. (Now we can all see your disgusting penis and your piss poor penis aim.)		#No peeing in the urinal with your foot on the urinal. (Now we can all see your disgusting penis and your piss-poor penis aim.)
	#No challenge pissing. (Pissy parabolas are too fucking easy. Piss six feet straight up and not get wet, then we'll fucking talk.)		#No challenge pissing. (Pissy parabolas are too fucking easy. Piss six feet straight up and not get wet, then we'll fucking talk.)
	'''~~More~~ Toilet Rules'''
	#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Keep that butthole aimed directly at the toilet bowl, as you blast out all that anal fudge out of your anus.)		'''Toilet Rules Part 2'''
	#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Nobody, and I mean fucking nobody, needs to see the fucking creamed corn and baked beans and ~~surströmming~~ you ate last night spewing out your super-tight butthole at 98 mph.)		#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Keep that butthole aimed directly at the toilet bowl as you blast out all that anal fudge out of your anus.)
	#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard on the floor. (~~Bitch the toilet is right fuckity fucking there how hard is it to sit your stupid fat ass down on the fucking toilet and sit like a normal fucking person god fuckity fucking bitch ass crap or damn it~~!)		#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Nobody, and I mean fucking nobody, needs to see the fucking creamed corn and baked beans and surstromming you ate last night spewing out your super-tight butthole at 98 mph.)
			#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard on the floor. (BITCH THE TOILET IS RIGHT FUCKITY FUCK FUCKING THERE HOW HARD IS IT TO SIT YOUR STUPID FAT ASS DOWN ON THE FUCKING TOILET AND SHIT LIKE A NORMAL FUCKING PERSON GOD FUCKITY FUCK FUCKING BITCH-ASS CRAP WHORE DAMN IT!!!)
	#Put your disgusting diarrhea-covered used toilet paper in the toilet. (Unless you need the used toilet paper as a biological weapon, throw that shit away.)		#Put your disgusting diarrhea-covered used toilet paper in the toilet. (Unless you need the used toilet paper as a biological weapon, throw that shit away.)
	#No flushing trash down the toilet. Use the trash can outside. (OK, away goes Mary's shitty music collection.)		#No flushing trash down the toilet. Use the trash can outside. (OK, away goes Mary's shitty music collection.)
	#Close the lid after you're done sitting and shitting. (Huh, but no requirement to flush after using the toilet. ~~Hah hah~~.)		#Close the lid after you're done sitting and shitting. (Huh, but no requirement to flush after using the toilet. Heh heh heh.)
	===Sochi Rules===		===Sochi Rules===
	[[File:Rules_for_the_Olympic_toilet.jpg\|thumb\|200px]]		[[File:Rules_for_the_Olympic_toilet.jpg\|thumb\|200px]]