19
edits
Changes
Added episode 48
===Episode 46===
===Episode 46===
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (We don't fucking care if it feels like and sounds like a fucking volcano exploding out your super-tight butthole, sit and fucking shit like a good boy.)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (We don't fucking care if it feels like and sounds like a fucking volcano exploding out your super-tight butthole, sit and fucking shit like a good boy.)
#No peeing on the toilet seat standing up. (Point fucking blank range and you can't even hit the fucking bowl. It's bad enough we have to see you disgusting penis, but now you're making a pissy mess that's pissing me the fuck off, and I will make you clean this fucking pissy shit up.)
#No peeing on the toilet seat standing up. (Point fucking blank range and you can't even hit the fucking bowl. It's bad enough we have to see your disgusting penis, but now you're making a pissy mess that's pissing me the fuck off, and I will make you clean this fucking pissy shit up.)
#No praying for a healthy bowel movement after you've just eaten a fuck ton of super spicy Mexican food. (Or is that no puking in the toilet? Fuck it, either works.)
#No praying for a healthy bowel movement after you've just eaten a fuck ton of super spicy Mexican food. (Or is that no puking in the toilet? Fuck it, either works.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Nobody needs to fucking see the Yellowstone geyser of diarrhea spewing out your anus at 93 mph.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Nobody needs to fucking see the Yellowstone geyser of diarrhea spewing out your anus at 93 mph.)
#No flushing trash down the toilet. Use the trash can outside. (OK, away goes Mary's shitty music collection.)
#No flushing trash down the toilet. Use the trash can outside. (OK, away goes Mary's shitty music collection.)
#Close the lid after you're done sitting and shitting. (Huh, but no requirement to flush after using the toilet. Heh heh heh.)
#Close the lid after you're done sitting and shitting. (Huh, but no requirement to flush after using the toilet. Heh heh heh.)
===Episode 48===
'''Toilet Rules Part 1'''
#No sitting and peeing like a damn retard. (I just know you're going to lose control and end up spewing out a geyser of explosive diarrhea out your super-tight butthole.)
#No freestyle peeing in the toilet. ("Look ma, no hands!")
#No having a loud ass phone conversation while peeing in the toilet standing up. (And she was all like, "I don't even like lamb chops", so I was like, "But what about, like, what about the lamb steak you literally ate literally like yesterday? Like, I don't even, like, get it.")
#No pissing a pissy parabola into the toilet. (Hey, check out this neat little piss trick!)
'''Toilet Rules Part 2 (Ladies' Toilet Rules)'''
#No sitting and peeing like a damn retard. (Ladies, are you trying to look like those uncivilized creatures in the other bathroom? Sit your ass down and pee like all fair ladies should.)
#No doing your makeup while peeing all over the, CLOSED, toilet seat. You're trying to multitask and now you're turning the ladies' bathroom into the men's bathroom. Once I clean this fucking piss up, I'm going to put on my best look "The Pissed Off Bitch".)
#No constructing a massive porcelain throne with an entire goddamned roll of toilet paper. (All will kneel before Mary, Queen of Shits.)
#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Ignore the sign. Assert dominance over other bitches and pee in the toilet standing up.)
'''Toilet Rules Part 3'''
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Ponder all your life decisions and focus intensely as you really try to squeeze out that constipated bowel behemoth from your butthole.)
#No smoking and shitting. (Yeah, smoking makes my voice sound deep. Deep, just like this massive fucking turd stuck in my anus.)
#No peeing in front of the toilet. (Yes, your penis is so small it can't even hit the toilet bowl.)
#No throwing garbage into the toilet. (This includes your screaming little air raid sirens.)
#No sitting and shitting on the toilet tank. (It's bad enough you clog the bowl, but if I find a massive fucking turd in the tank I will shove the toilet up your stupid ass.)
#No performing intense, climactic action on the toilet. (Well, that's one way to loosen up that super-tight butthole.)
#No sleeping on the toilet. (Counting sheep helps, counting shit does not.)
#No sleeping on the bathroom floor. (The floor has been pissed on, shit on, and god knows what else. Sleep tight.)
#No setting the toilet bowl on fire and having a campfire. (Ah, roasted turds over an open fire!)
#No stealing the entire fucking toilet and running away like a maniac. (Toilet Man, Toilet Man, does whatever a toilet can. Takes a dump, any size, clogs the pipes, plunger cries, look out, here comes the Toilet Man!)
#No skiing on the toilet. (The bunny slope is too easy. The butthole slope is for only the most extreme skiers.)
#No planting a tree in the toilet bowl. (You can't stop me, the Goddamn Microsoft Sam will grow a tree "The Mighty Shitquoia"!)
===Sochi Rules===
===Sochi Rules===
[[File:Rules_for_the_Olympic_toilet.jpg|thumb|200px]]
[[File:Rules_for_the_Olympic_toilet.jpg|thumb|200px]]