19
edits
Changes
Changed some things.
===Episode 28===
===Episode 28===
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (That's right, this is the gentleman's toilet. There's even a dress code. If you wish to expel all that anal fudge from your anus, you must wear a three-piece tuxedo while sitting on the toilet. Only classy bowel movements on this toilet.)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (That's right, this is the gentleman's toilet. There's even a dress code. If you wish to expel all that anal fudge from your anus, you must wear a three-piece tuxedo while sitting on the toilet. Only classy bowel movements on this toilet.)
#No standing and shitting like a damn retard. (No one, I repeat, no one wants to see a waterfall of partially digested corn and chicken pouring out of your butthole! You'd probably miss the toilet and spray the entire stall with your volcanic shit that I will have to fucking clean up!)
#No standing and shitting like a damn retard. (No one, I repeat, no one wants to see a waterfall of partially digested corn and chicken pouring out of your butthole! You'd probably miss the toilet and spray the entire stall with your volcanic shit that I will have to fucking clean up.)
*If you deliberately disobey these rules, then I, will, make, you, fucking clean this shit up instead, with a toothbrush, and your bare hands, bitch!
*If you deliberately disobey these rules, then I, will, make, you, fucking clean this shit up instead, with a toothbrush, and your bare hands, bitch.
===Episode 29===
===Episode 29===
*No standing on toilet seat. (This is not a fucking Olympic event, you won't get style points for showing everyone the stream of explosive diarrhea exploding out your anus. Sit and shit in an orderly manner, god damn it!)
*No standing on toilet seat. (This is not a fucking Olympic event, you won't get style points for showing everyone the stream of explosive diarrhea exploding out your anus. Sit and shit in an orderly manner, god damn it!)
*Then punch the toilet afterwards for good measure.
*Then punch the toilet afterwards for good measure.
*Wash your hands, and you're done.
*Wash your hands, and you're done.
*Oh, and if you just need to piss, use the urinal. Don't waste the toilet. Toilets are for squeezing out massive turds from your super tight butthole.
*Oh, and if you just need to piss, use the urinal. Don't waste the toilet. Toilets are for squeezing out massive turds from your super-tight butthole.
'''More Rules'''
'''More Rules'''
#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Yes, we know you can't aim your penis, you can't do anything right.)
#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Yes, we know you can't aim your penis, you can't do anything right.)
#No sitting and shitting in the urinal. (Use the fucking toilets for your explosive diarrhea dumps, shitheads.)
#No sitting and shitting in the urinal. (Use the fucking toilets for your explosive diarrhea dumps, shitheads.)
#No pissing on other urinal users. (Do humans look like fucking urinals to you?)
#No pissing on other urinal users. (Do humans look like fucking urinals to you?)
#No sharing an occupied urinal. (This asction is punishable by death in every country on Earth.
#No sharing an occupied urinal. (This action is punishable by death in every country on Earth.
#No peeing on the floor. (The urinal is right fucking there are you're aiming at the floor?! Fucking aim your penis and piss properly graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...)
#No peeing on the floor. (The urinal is right fucking there are you're aiming at the floor?! Fucking aim your penis and piss properly graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...)
===Episode 39===
===Episode 39===
#No shitting like a cannon. (You're not auditioning for the 1812 Overture, so sit and shit like someone who isn't a complete fucking freak.)
#No shitting like a cannon. (You're not auditioning for the 1812 Overture, so sit and shit like someone who isn't a complete fucking freak.)
===Episode 41===
===Episode 41===
'''Round 1'''
'''Part 1'''
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (You think we all need to see the gigantic turd sausages squeezing out your super tight butthole? Of course we fucking don't! Freak.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (You think we all need to see the gigantic turd sausages squeezing out your super-tight butthole? Of course we fucking don't! Freak.)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Bonus points if you wear your finest tucks while shitting out your finest turds.)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Bonus points if you wear your finest tux while shitting out your finest turds.)
'''Round 2'''
'''Part 2'''
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Do not clap and cheer when you finally squeeze that constipated crap out your butthole, shit quietly like a normal fucking person!)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Do not clap and cheer when you finally squeeze that constipated crap out your butthole, shit quietly like a normal fucking person.)
#No handstands on the toilet. (Don't even think about it! All it takes is one sudden loss of gravity and we've got a turdnado on our hands.)
#No handstands on the toilet. (Don't even think about it. All it takes is one sudden loss of gravity and we've got a turdnado on our hands.)
#No whimpering and shitting and regretting your poor life choices. (Who cares if you've lost your job and your money and your girlfriend? The toilet only wants your shit, not your personal problems.)
#No whimpering and shitting and regretting your poor life choices. (Who cares if you've lost your job and your money and your girlfriend? The toilet only wants your shit, not your personal problems.)
#No performing a spontaneous musical number. (Don't miss the thrilling new musical, butthole blockage on broadway!)
#No performing a spontaneous musical number. (Don't miss the thrilling new musical - ''Butthole Blockage on Broadway''!)
'''Round 3'''
'''Part 3'''
#Sit and shit while concentrating intensely. (Focus on blasting all that anal fudge out of your anus at blazing speed, nothing else matters.)
#Sit and shit while concentrating intensely. (Focus on blasting all that anal fudge out of your anus at blazing speed. Nothing else matters.)
#No sitting backwards and shitting like a damn retard. (Bitch you're not even aiming your anus at the toilet bowl, you're going to spew last night's creamed corn and meatloaf straight from your butthole all over the fucking floor! Sit and shit fucking properly!)
#No sitting backwards and shitting like a damn retard. (Bitch you're not even aiming your anus at the toilet bowl, you're going to spew last night's creamed corn and meatloaf straight from your butthole all over the fucking floor! Sit and shit fucking properly!)
#Place all used toilet paper in the toilet. (Or feel free to share used toilet paper with others, it will help the environment. Just kidding. I hate the environment, I wipe my ass with the environment.)
#Place all used toilet paper in the toilet. (Or feel free to share used toilet paper with others, it will help the environment. Just kidding, I hate the environment, I wipe my ass with the environment.)
#No throwing away used toilet paper in the trash bin. (You throw away your diarrhea-soaked toilet paper in the bin and I'll empty the bin all over your fucking bed! You little shit.)
#No throwing away used toilet paper in the trash bin. (You throw away your diarrhea-soaked toilet paper in the bin and I'll empty the bin all over your fucking bed. You little shit.)
'''Round 4'''
'''Part 4'''
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner with the toilet lid closed. (The fuck? Are we trying to make the toilet into a massive vortex of shit?!)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner with the toilet lid closed. (The fuck? Are we TRYING to make the toilet into a massive vortex of shit?)
#No sitting and shitting backwards in an orderly manner. (I don't care if you're polite, you sit and shit backwards and you're going to show everyone the baked beans and cabbage you ate for lunch spewing out your butthole at 93 miles an hour! Now excuse me, I need to take a massive dump.)
#No sitting and shitting backwards in an orderly manner. (I don't care if you're polite, you sit and shit backwards and you're going to show everyone the baked beans and cabbage you ate for lunch spewing out your butthole at 93 mph. Now excuse me, I need to take a massive dump.)
===Episode 42===
===Episode 42===
'''Round 1'''
'''Part 1'''
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Be especially sure to sit and shit in an orderly manner when the toilet seat is fucking levitating over the toilet bowl.)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Be especially sure to sit and shit in an orderly manner when the toilet seat is fucking levitating over the toilet bowl.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Thirteen fucking years later and I still have to tell you donuts, how to shit properly!)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (13 fucking years later and I still have to tell you donuts how to shit properly!)
'''Round 2'''
'''Part 2'''
#Flush used toilet paper. (Make sure not to use flushed toilet paper. We're not that desperate for toilet paper.)
#Flush used toilet paper. (Make sure not to use flushed toilet paper. We're not that desperate for toilet paper.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (One fucking day I won't have to tell you chuckle fucks how to use the fucking toilet fucking properly!)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (One fucking day I won't have to tell you chucklefucks how to use the fucking toilet fucking properly.)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (No talking, no yelling, no celebratory gunfire for getting all that anal fudge out of your anus, SIT, AND, FUCKING, SHIT, QUIETLY!)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (No talking, no yelling, no celebratory gunfire for getting all that anal fudge out of your anus, SIT, AND, FUCKING, SHIT, QUIETLY!)
'''Round 3'''
'''Part 3'''
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Is that fucking clear yet? Sit on the fucking seat! Don't you fucking dare hang from the ceiling fan and try to aim your anus at the toilet for a sick trick shot, you'll fucking miss and I swear to fucking god I'll make you fucking clean it fucking up!)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Is that fucking clear yet? Sit on the fucking seat. Don't you fucking dare hang from the ceiling fan and try to aim your anus at the toilet for a sick trick shot, you'll fucking miss and I swear to fucking god I'll make you fucking clean it fucking up.)
#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (As if we need to see your disgusting penis while you fail to aim properly at the bowl. Use the goddamned urinal!)
#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (As if we need to see your disgusting penis while you fail to aim properly at the bowl. Use the goddamned urinal.)
#No praying to the toilet gods for divine intervention to stop your never-ending constipation. (That, or no puking in the toilet.)
#No praying to the toilet gods for divine intervention to stop your never-ending constipation. (That, or no puking in the toilet.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (You think anyone wants to see your volcanic diarrhea dump spewing out your butthole at 93 miles an hour?)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (You think anyone wants to see your volcanic diarrhea dump spewing out your butthole at 93 mph?)
#No fishing in the toilet. (What the fuck do you think you will catch? A great white shart?)
#No fishing in the toilet. (What the fuck do you think you will catch? A great white shart?)
#No pissing in the urinal like a bitch. (And don't even fucking think about shitting in the urinal like a bitch! These are all our toilet rules. Do you understand them? Well, do you? Huh? Huh? Huh?)
#No pissing in the urinal like a bitch. (And don't even fucking think about shitting in the urinal like a bitch.)
===Episode 43===
===Episode 43===
'''Round 1'''
'''Part 1'''
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (You think anyone wants to see a multi-vortex turdnado filled with baked beans and creamed corn and cabbage and expired pasta salad spewing out your butthole? No, of course we fucking don't. Freak.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (You think anyone wants to see a multi-vortex turdnado filled with baked beans and creamed corn and cabbage and expired pasta salad spewing out your butthole? No, of course we fucking don't. Freak.)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (How fucking hard is it to sit quietly and blast out all that anal fudge out of your anus without causing a big loud fucking mess? Sit and fucking shit normally or I'll throw all the fucking toilet paper into a fucking fire!)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (How fucking hard is it to sit quietly and blast out all that anal fudge out of your anus without causing a big loud fucking mess? Sit and fucking shit normally or I'll throw all the fucking toilet paper into a fucking fire!)
#No standing and shitting like a damn retard. (If you thought sitting and shitting like a damn retard was bad enough, standing and shitting like a damn retard will spew your hippopotamus diarrhea dump deluge all over the fucking bathroom, and there's no fucking way you're leaving without cleaning this fucking shit up, with your bare fucking hands.)
#No standing and shitting like a damn retard. (If you thought sitting and shitting like a damn retard was bad enough, standing and shitting like a damn retard will spew your hippopotamus diarrhea dump deluge all over the fucking bathroom, and there's no fucking way you're leaving without cleaning this fucking shit up, with your bare fucking hands.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (If we have to tell you this one more fucking time today, I'm shoving the toilet up your fucking ass.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (If we have to tell you this one more fucking time today, I'm shoving the toilet up your fucking ass.)
#Sit and shit like a damn retard.
#Sit and shit like a damn retard. (What? WHAT?! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...!)
===Episode 44===
===Episode 44===
'''Urinal rules'''
'''Part 1'''
PLEASE
'''Toilet rules'''
Use a urinal
#No swimming in the toilet hoping you'll be chased by a great white shart. (Violators will be eaten, and you'll have to run all the way down to the end. Until you're pooped out.)
#No looking at your urinal mate's penis. (Ok, why the, fuck, are you using a urinal next to another guy? You dare break the sacred urinal code?!)
OR
#No sitting and smoking and shitting like a damn retard. (No one wants to fucking see your smokey diarrhea spewing out your butthole.)
Use a tissue and lift the seat before peeing. You're not 12. Lift the seat.
(Pissing into a urinal will turn you into one of those sign people with no throats, hands, or feet. Pissing into a toilet with the seat up will turn you into a real person with incredible posture. And pissing all over the goddamned toilet with the seat down will turn you into a massive slouching fat ass son of a bitch. Just lift the fucking seat.)
'''Part 2'''
#No swimming in the toilet hoping you'll be chased by a great white shart. (Violators will be eaten, and you'll have to run all the way down to the end until you're pooped out.)
#No looking at your urinal mate's penis. (Ok, why the FUCK are you using a urinal next to another guy? You dare break the sacred urinal code?)
#No sitting and smoking and shitting like a damn retard. (No one wants to fucking see your smoky diarrhea spewing out your butthole.)
#No leaving the bathroom while leaving the faucet running. (The toilet gods will show no mercy to those who flood the bathroom.)
#No leaving the bathroom while leaving the faucet running. (The toilet gods will show no mercy to those who flood the bathroom.)
#No peeing in front of the toilet. (Bitch you're standing like a foot away from the toilet just aim your fuckity fuck fucking penis fucking properly!)
#No peeing in front of the toilet. (Bitch you're standing like a foot away from the toilet just aim your fuckity fuck fucking penis fucking properly!)
#No pointing dramatically at the faucet.
#No pointing dramatically at the faucet. (''Bum Bum BUMMMMMMMMM'')
#No washing your feet in the sink. (Your toenail jam will clog the fucking sink, so keep your disgusting feet the fuck out of the sink.)
#No washing your feet in the sink. (Your toenail jam will clog the fucking sink, so keep your disgusting feet the fuck out of the sink.)
#No creating magnificent art pieces with your own feces. (Check out my modern art!)
#No creating magnificent art pieces with your own feces. (Check out my modern art!)
#No saying hello to peeping toms. (Quiet, I'm trying to keep a low profile!)
#No saying hello to peeping toms. (Quiet, I'm trying to keep a low profile!)
'''More rules'''
'''Part 3'''
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (You will not stand and shit, you will not jump and shit, and you definitely will not do fucking cartwheels and shit. Sit and fucking shit like a proper fucking gentleman!)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (You will not stand and shit, you will not jump and shit, and you definitely will not do fucking cartwheels and shit. Sit and fucking shit like a proper fucking gentleman.)
#No sitting and smoking and shitting in an orderly manner. (I don't care if it's taking forever to squeeze those massive turds out your butthole, do not fucking smoke and shit.)
#No sitting and smoking and shitting in an orderly manner. (I don't care if it's taking forever to squeeze those massive turds out your butthole, do not fucking smoke and shit.)
#No freestyle pissing in the toilet. (Yes, you can piss a pissy parabola. No, you will not hit the toilet, and I will fucking make you clean this piss up before I get really pissed off.)
#No freestyle pissing in the toilet. (Yes, you can piss a pissy parabola. No, you will not hit the toilet, and I will fucking make you clean this piss up before I get really pissed off.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Christmas is coming, the turd is getting fat, no one wants to see it spewing out just like that!)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Christmas is coming, the turd is getting fat, no one wants to see it spewing out just like that!)
#No leaving the bathroom without flushing your shit down the toilet. (Flush that smelly fucking shit away, unless your enemy is using the toilet next, and you want to put your chemical weapon to good use.)
#No leaving the bathroom without flushing your shit down the toilet. (Flush that smelly fucking shit away, unless your enemy is using the toilet next and you want to put your chemical weapon to good use.)
#No performing a musical number on the toilet. (Come on come on, squeeze those turds out those buttholes!)
#No performing a musical number on the toilet. (''Proceeds to play banjo'' Come on come on, squeeze those turds out those buttholes!)
===Sochi Rules===
===Sochi Rules===
[[File:Rules_for_the_Olympic_toilet.jpg|thumb|200px]]
[[File:Rules_for_the_Olympic_toilet.jpg|thumb|200px]]