19
edits
Changes
Added episode 44 rules and corrected a few punctuation errors
#No oral sex. (Why in holy hell any girl would want to suck on your repulsive penises beyond me? It's probably half the size of an atom, and infected with every disease known to man.)
#No oral sex. (Why in holy hell any girl would want to suck on your repulsive penises beyond me? It's probably half the size of an atom, and infected with every disease known to man.)
===Episode 18===
===Episode 18===
#Proper vomiting technique is as follows: First, get down on your hands and knees and pray to the toilet gods. (Their blessing will grant the power of levitation so you can cleanly vomit up everything you've eaten in the history of history into the toilet. CAUTION: May result in death.)
#Proper vomiting technique is as follows: First, get down on your hands and knees and pray to the toilet gods. (Their blessing will grant the power of levitation so you can cleanly vomit up everything you've eaten in the history of history into the toilet. (CAUTION: May result in death.)
#Do not vomit on the floor while praying to the toilet gods. (The toilet gods will be most displeased and you will die to death as a result.)
#Do not vomit on the floor while praying to the toilet gods. (The toilet gods will be most displeased and you will die to death as a result.)
*Caution in both cases: Vomit may contain worms.
*Caution in both cases: Vomit may contain worms.
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner.
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner.
#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Your penis is fat, smelly, and disgusting.)
#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Your penis is fat, smelly, and disgusting.)
#No peeing in the toilet like a bitch. (Use the urinal like a civilized person or we'll smash the toilet over your head.
#No peeing in the toilet like a bitch. (Use the urinal like a civilized person or we'll smash the toilet over your head.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard.
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard.
#No praying to the toilet gods. (I think. Maybe it's just no puking in the toilet.)
#No praying to the toilet gods. (I think. Maybe it's just no puking in the toilet.)
===Episode 38===
===Episode 38===
'''Toilet Brush Rules'''
'''Toilet Brush Rules'''
#No stealing the toilet brush and hiding it under your coat. (You dirty thief! No seriously, you're gonna get shit all over yourself.)
#No stealing the toilet brush and hiding it under your coat. (You dirty thief! No, seriously, you're gonna get shit all over yourself.)
#No brushing your teeth with the toilet brush. (9 out of 10 dentists agree you should floss and brush your teeth twice a day. The 10th dentist, is the retard, who thinks a fucking toilet brush will prevent cavities.)
#No brushing your teeth with the toilet brush. (9 out of 10 dentists agree you should floss and brush your teeth twice a day. The 10th dentist, is the retard, who thinks a fucking toilet brush will prevent cavities.)
#Ladies, no brushing your hair with the toilet brush. (I don't care if the fashion magazines say the new toilet bowl grease look is great for your hair, do not fucking brush your hair with a fucking toilet brush.)
#Ladies, no brushing your hair with the toilet brush. (I don't care if the fashion magazines say the new toilet bowl grease look is great for your hair, do not fucking brush your hair with a fucking toilet brush.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (If we have to tell you this one more fucking time today, I'm shoving the toilet up your fucking ass.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (If we have to tell you this one more fucking time today, I'm shoving the toilet up your fucking ass.)
#Sit and shit like a damn retard.
#Sit and shit like a damn retard.
===Episode 44===
'''Urinal rules'''
*Pissing into a urinal will turn you into one of those sign people with no throats, hands, or feet.
*Pissing into a toilet with the seat up will turn you into a real person with incredible posture.
*And pissing all over the goddamned toilet with the seat down will turn you into a massive slouching fat ass son of a bitch. Just lift the fucking seat.
'''Toilet rules'''
#No swimming in the toilet hoping you'll be chased by a great white shart. (Violators will be eaten, and you'll have to run all the way down to the end. Until you're pooped out.)
#No looking at your urinal mate's penis. (Ok, why the, fuck, are you using a urinal next to another guy? You dare break the sacred urinal code?!)
#No sitting and smoking and shitting like a damn retard. (No one wants to fucking see your smokey diarrhea spewing out your butthole.)
#No leaving the bathroom while leaving the faucet running. (The toilet gods will show no mercy to those who flood the bathroom.)
#No peeing in front of the toilet. (Bitch you're standing like a foot away from the toilet just aim your fuckity fuck fucking penis fucking properly!)
#No pointing dramatically at the faucet.
#No washing your feet in the sink. (Your toenail jam will clog the fucking sink, so keep your disgusting feet the fuck out of the sink.)
#No creating magnificent art pieces with your own feces. (Check out my modern art!)
#No saying hello to peeping toms. (Quiet, I'm trying to keep a low profile!)
'''More rules'''
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (You will not stand and shit, you will not jump and shit, and you definitely will not do fucking cartwheels and shit. Sit and fucking shit like a proper fucking gentleman!)
#No sitting and smoking and shitting in an orderly manner. (I don't care if it's taking forever to squeeze those massive turds out your butthole, do not fucking smoke and shit.)
#No freestyle pissing in the toilet. (Yes, you can piss a pissy parabola. No, you will not hit the toilet, and I will fucking make you clean this piss up before I get really pissed off.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Christmas is coming, the turd is getting fat, no one wants to see it spewing out just like that!)
#No leaving the bathroom without flushing your shit down the toilet. (Flush that smelly fucking shit away, unless your enemy is using the toilet next, and you want to put your chemical weapon to good use.)
#No performing a musical number on the toilet. (Come on come on, squeeze those turds out those buttholes!)
===Sochi Rules===
===Sochi Rules===