129
edits
Changes
Added Episodes 51 and 52, and the 2023 Canada Day special from the old wiki.
#No challenging the toilet to a rap battle while using a giant turd as a microphone. (''Proceeds to rap'' I'm the goddamn Sam, and I'm here to say, I've got the best shit in the USA!)
#No challenging the toilet to a rap battle while using a giant turd as a microphone. (''Proceeds to rap'' I'm the goddamn Sam, and I'm here to say, I've got the best shit in the USA!)
===Canada Day Special 2023===
#Point at a toilet and behold the incredible porcelain throne. (My fair gentlemen, behold the most excellent throne of porcelain for relieving your incredibly clogged lower intestine at utmost speed. An utterly outstanding appliance for being seated and relieving your cavernous bowels like any fair gentleman.)
#No doing sick-ass skateboard tricks on the toilet. (Wassup G, watch me skateboard kick over dat massive fucking turd, yo!)
#No sitting and shitting while sleeping. (ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT ASSHOLE ALARM GOING OFF OK OK OK I'M AWAKE!)
#No sitting and shitting while taking a selfie or filming a toilet vlog. (Yo wassup guys it's ya boi Sammy here today with another vlog. I'm just chilling out here on the toilet, been trying to take a big-ass dump for the last hour but nothing's coming out.)
===Sochi Rules===
===Episode 51===
'''Part 1'''
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Well, more like no sitting and shitting in an upright fetal position. It's your own damn fault for eating those Carolina Reaper pepper tacos for dinner last night, your butthole is going to cry tears of diarrhea all damn day.)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (No crying buttholes when you sit up straight and push out that butthole behemoth with confidence.)
'''Part 2'''
#Read and shit in an orderly manner. (Nothing gets that butthole flowing like reading the stock market pages. Especially on a day your investments have all crashed.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Fuck off with your stupid-ass squats, sit your stupid ass down before a diarrhea dump deluge spews all over the fucking seat.)
#No sitting and shitting like an Australian. (Toilet's not the right way around, cunt.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn acrobat. (BITCH WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKING SHITHEADS SIT AND SHIT LIKE A NORMAL FUCKING PERSON?!?!)
===Episode 52===
#Piss in the urinal standing up. (You and your piss stay away from the fucking toilet.)
#No pissing on the urinal. (THE, URINAL, IS, RIGHT, FUCKING, THERE.)
#No pissing in the urinal like a bitch. (Grrr, bark, woof, bad boy!)
#No pissing a pissy parabola backwards. (Seems like the fast and easy way to get a quick golden shower.)
#If you miss, clean your piss. (Everyone always fucking misses, how hard is it to stay on target?)
#Please, men lift up the seat before peeing. (But it's too far away and that means I have to lift my hand and reeeeeeeeeeeeeach! Too difficult. Just piss everywhere.)
==Sochi Rules==
[[File:Rules_for_the_Olympic_toilet.jpg|thumb|200px]]
[[File:Rules_for_the_Olympic_toilet.jpg|thumb|200px]]
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Do not hang from the ceiling and aim your anus at the toilet. It will miss and the FSB will make you clean it up with your tongue.)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Do not hang from the ceiling and aim your anus at the toilet. It will miss and the FSB will make you clean it up with your tongue.)
#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Your other partner in the stall doesn't need to see your fat, smelly, and disgusting penis.)
#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Your other partner in the stall doesn't need to see your fat, smelly, and disgusting penis.)
#No praying to the toilet gods or puking in the toilet. (It will disturb your stallmate.)
#No praying to the toilet gods or puking in the toilet. (It will disturb your stallmate.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (No one wants to see your partially digested vodka when you do that. If you do this, the FSB will force you to clean the toilet bowl with your tongue.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn idiot. (No one wants to see your partially digested vodka when you do that. If you do this, the FSB will force you to clean the toilet bowl with your tongue.)
#No fishing in the toilet. (You're not Vladimir Putin, you won't be able to catch a great white shark like a badass.)
#No fishing in the toilet. (You're not Vladimir Putin, you won't be able to catch a great white shark like a badass.)
#No taking drugs. (That is messed up.)
#No taking drugs. (That is messed up.)