19
edits
Changes
Added Episode 50 Rules, added link to Microsoft Mary in Ladies Rules, and changed banjo caption to italic
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Christmas is coming, the turd is getting fat, no one wants to see it spewing out just like that!)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Christmas is coming, the turd is getting fat, no one wants to see it spewing out just like that!)
#No leaving the bathroom without flushing your shit down the toilet. (Flush that smelly fucking shit away, unless your enemy is using the toilet next and you want to put your chemical weapon to good use.)
#No leaving the bathroom without flushing your shit down the toilet. (Flush that smelly fucking shit away, unless your enemy is using the toilet next and you want to put your chemical weapon to good use.)
#No performing a musical number on the toilet. ("Proceeds to play banjo" Come on come on, squeeze those turds out those buttholes!)
#No performing a musical number on the toilet. (''Proceeds to play banjo'' Come on come on, squeeze those turds out those buttholes!)
===Episode 45===
===Episode 45===
'''Part 1'''
'''Part 1'''
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Sit up straight and prepare those buttocks for a massive anal evacuation. No matter how painfully volcanic your diarrhea dump feels like as it shreds your anus, keep those buttocks firmly on the toilet seat.)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Sit up straight and prepare those buttocks for a massive anal evacuation. No matter how painfully volcanic your diarrhea dump feels like as it shreds your anus, keep those buttocks firmly on the toilet seat.)
#No standing and spewing your disgusting hippopotamus diarrhea dump all over the fucking toilet. (You disgusting fucking shit! Don't even fucking think of turning the toilet into your latest modern art piece "The Spectacularly Shitty Shitter".)
#No standing and spewing your disgusting hippopotamus diarrhea dump all over the fucking toilet. (You disgusting fucking shit! Don't even fucking think of turning the toilet into your latest modern art piece "The Spectacularly Shitty Shitter".)
'''Part 2'''
'''Part 2'''
#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (BITCH WE HAVE 5 URINALS IN THIS FUCKING BATHROOM STOP WASTING ONE OF OUR PRECIOUS TOILETS WITH YOUR PATHETIC FUCKING PISS AND USE THE FUCKING URINAL GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!!)
#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (BITCH WE HAVE 5 URINALS IN THIS FUCKING BATHROOM STOP WASTING ONE OF OUR PRECIOUS TOILETS WITH YOUR PATHETIC FUCKING PISS AND USE THE FUCKING URINAL GOD FUCKING DAMN IT!!!)
#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (This redundant rule brought to you by the Rules of Redundancy in the Department of Redundant Rules Department.)
#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (This redundant rule brought to you by the Rules of Redundancy in the Department of Redundant Rules Department.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Yes, we know you ate baked beans, creamed corn, and surstromming last night. No, we do not fucking need to see it spewing out your super-tight butthole at 45 mph.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Yes, we know you ate baked beans, creamed corn, and surstromming last night. No, we do not fucking need to see it spewing out your super-tight butthole at 45 mph.)
'''Part 3'''
'''Part 3'''
#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Peeing in the toilet standing up will summon violent storm clouds that will engulf the skies and strike lightning upon the penises of those who would dare violate this sacred rule for the toilet. Do not be foolish.)
#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Peeing in the toilet standing up will summon violent storm clouds that will engulf the skies and strike lightning upon the penises of those who would dare violate this sacred rule for the toilet. Do not be foolish.)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Place your big booty butt cheeks on the toilet and sit up straight, that shit isn't coming out if you slouch like a gamer. Only the best posture will allow that massive shit to shoot out your super-tight butthole. But if you get shit stuck on your buttcrack, just give your butt cheeks a good slap and hope that butt slap knocks that shit out. Just don't disturb the other bathroom users.)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Place your big booty butt cheeks on the toilet and sit up straight, that shit isn't coming out if you slouch like a gamer. Only the best posture will allow that massive shit to shoot out your super-tight butthole. But if you get shit stuck on your buttcrack, just give your butt cheeks a good slap and hope that butt slap knocks that shit out. Just don't disturb the other bathroom users.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (The last time someone sat and shat like a damn retard, it was in the middle of a tornado. The tornado burst into the bathroom, absorbed all that damn shit, and became a massive EF5 turdnado that killed everyone in the town. Aint that some shit!)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (The last time someone sat and shat like a damn retard, it was in the middle of a tornado. The tornado burst into the bathroom, absorbed all that damn shit, and became a massive EF5 turdnado that killed everyone in the town. Aint that some shit!)
'''Shower Rules'''
'''Shower Rules'''
*No having a shower while you're standing outside of the fucking bathtub.
*No having a shower while you're standing outside of the fucking bathtub.
'''Urinal Rules'''
'''Urinal Rules'''
#Stand and pee in an orderly manner. (Keep those shoulders straight as you show everyone how hard you can pee. Make eye contact to assert dominance and scare everyone else away from the urinals so you can pee in peace.)
#Stand and pee in an orderly manner. (Keep those shoulders straight as you show everyone how hard you can pee. Make eye contact to assert dominance and scare everyone else away from the urinals so you can pee in peace.)
#No peeing in the urinal with your foot on the urinal. (Now we can all see your disgusting penis and your piss-poor penis aim.)
#No peeing in the urinal with your foot on the urinal. (Now we can all see your disgusting penis and your piss-poor penis aim.)
#No challenge pissing. (Pissy parabolas are too fucking easy. Piss six feet straight up and not get wet, then we'll fucking talk.)
#No challenge pissing. (Pissy parabolas are too fucking easy. Piss six feet straight up and not get wet, then we'll fucking talk.)
'''Toilet Rules Part 2'''
'''Toilet Rules Part 2'''
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Keep that butthole aimed directly at the toilet bowl as you blast out all that anal fudge out of your anus.)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Keep that butthole aimed directly at the toilet bowl as you blast out all that anal fudge out of your anus.)
#No having a loud-ass phone conversation while peeing in the toilet standing up. (And she was all like, "I don't even like lamb chops", so I was like, "But what about, like, what about the lamb steak you literally ate literally like yesterday?" Like, I don't even, like, get it.)
#No having a loud-ass phone conversation while peeing in the toilet standing up. (And she was all like, "I don't even like lamb chops", so I was like, "But what about, like, what about the lamb steak you literally ate literally like yesterday?" Like, I don't even, like, get it.)
#No pissing a pissy parabola into the toilet. (Hey, check out this neat little piss trick!)
#No pissing a pissy parabola into the toilet. (Hey, check out this neat little piss trick!)
'''Ladies' Toilet Rules (feat. [[Microsoft Mary]])'''
'''Ladies' Toilet Rules (feat. Microsoft Mary)'''
#No sitting and peeing like a damn retard. (Ladies, are you trying to look like those uncivilized creatures in the other bathroom? Sit your ass down and pee like all fair ladies should.)
#No sitting and peeing like a damn retard. (Ladies, are you trying to look like those uncivilized creatures in the other bathroom? Sit your ass down and pee like all fair ladies should.)
#No doing your makeup while peeing all over the CLOSED toilet seat. (You're trying to multitask and now you're turning the ladies' bathroom into the men's bathroom! Once I clean this fucking piss up, I'm going to put on my best look, "The Pissed-Off Bitch".)
#No doing your makeup while peeing all over the CLOSED toilet seat. (You're trying to multitask and now you're turning the ladies' bathroom into the men's bathroom! Once I clean this fucking piss up, I'm going to put on my best look, "The Pissed-Off Bitch".)
#No constructing a massive porcelain throne with an entire goddamn roll of toilet paper. (All will kneel before Mary, Queen of Shits!)
#No constructing a massive porcelain throne with an entire goddamn roll of toilet paper. (All will kneel before Mary, Queen of Shits!)
#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Ignore the sign. Assert dominance over other bitches and pee in the toilet standing up.)
#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Ignore the sign. Assert dominance over other bitches and pee in the toilet standing up.)
'''Tons and Tons of Rules'''
'''Tons and Tons of Rules'''
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Ponder all your life decisions and focus intensely as you really try to squeeze out that constipated bowel behemoth from your butthole.)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Ponder all your life decisions and focus intensely as you really try to squeeze out that constipated bowel behemoth from your butthole.)
#Flush your toilet paper down the toilet. (Do not flush anything else. Paper towels, bath mats, toothbrushes, math homework, nuclear warheads, last night's creamed corn and cabbage, don't fucking flush that shit down the toilet.)
#Flush your toilet paper down the toilet. (Do not flush anything else. Paper towels, bath mats, toothbrushes, math homework, nuclear warheads, last night's creamed corn and cabbage, don't fucking flush that shit down the toilet.)
#Flush the toilet. Several times. (Only way to be sure your galaxy-sized shit squeezes through the fucking pipes.)
#Flush the toilet. Several times. (Only way to be sure your galaxy-sized shit squeezes through the fucking pipes.)
'''Urinal Rules'''
'''Urinal Rules'''
#Pee in the urinal. (Is that piss, or is it his absolutely massive penis accidentally slamming into the urinal?)
#Pee in the urinal. (Is that piss, or is it his absolutely massive penis accidentally slamming into the urinal?)
#Um, er, I don't get it. Whatever, I gotta piss.
#Um, er, I don't get it. Whatever, I gotta piss.
'''Classic Rules'''
'''Classic Rules'''
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (The butler will be along shortly with a selection of fine wines to sip while you're taking a fine shit.)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (The butler will be along shortly with a selection of fine wines to sip while you're taking a fine shit.)
#No fishing in the toilet. (Put the goddamn fishing pole away, you won't find a Barraturda.)
#No fishing in the toilet. (Put the goddamn fishing pole away, you won't find a Barraturda.)
#No peeing in the urinal like a bitch. (GOD FUCKING DAMN IT WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE PISS PROPERLY?!)
#No peeing in the urinal like a bitch. (GOD FUCKING DAMN IT WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE PISS PROPERLY?!)
===Episode 50===
'''Part 1'''
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Ponder all your mistakes and poor life choices, that usually helps the anal fudge blast out your butthole faster.)
#No sitting and shitting like you're riding on a horse. Onward noble Steeds, ready your plungers and prepare to fight the urinal hordes!)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. BACKWARDS. (Bitch you're not even aiming your anus at the toilet! Nobody needs to see an EF5 turdnado spewing out your anus at 300mph!)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Well, at least now you're aiming your anus at the toilet, but still, SIT AND SHIT IN AN ORDERLY FUCKING MANNER!)
#No smoking in toilet. (Hey, put the fucking cigarette away, the bathroom is full of gas!)
'''Part 2 (German)'''
#Sit and ''schnitzel'' in an orderly manner. (Remember to flex those muscles while that massive ''bratwurst'' blasts out your ''autobahn''.)
#No sitting and ''schnitzel'' like a damn ''schweinehund''.
'''Part 3'''
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. (Yes, we know you ate incredibly spicy Mexican food. No, we do not need to fucking see the fire diarrhea spewing out your butthole faster than the speed of sound.)
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (GOD FUCKING DAMN IT IT'S SO FUCKING EASY JUST SIT LIKE A NORMAL GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING PERSON AND SHIT QUIETLY, WHY DO YOU UNHINGED DONUTS INSIST ON USING THE TOILET LIKE A PROLAPSING BUFFALO THAT JUST ATE 27,000 LAXATIVES GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...
#Throw the entire goddamned toilet paper roll in the toilet. (Oh, okay!)
'''Part 4 (Classic rules)'''
#Sit and shit in an orderly manner. (Think about, how a butler would empty his bowels. Yes, by sitting quietly like a fine gentleman, not like a loud-ass water buffalo in heat spewing out diarrhea so fast it makes a garden hose look like a fucking dripping faucet.)
#No puking in the toilet. (The toilet is for anal diarrhea, not verbal diarrhea!)
#No fishing in the toilet. (You just shat out a river of diarrhea, your stupid ass fishing pole won't have much luck catching liquid. Dipshit.)
#No peeing in the toilet standing up. (Use the fucking urinals, nobody needs to see your disgusting and tiny penis.)
#No sitting and shitting like a damn retard. ("Oh yes we all want to see shit sausages squeezing out your butthole in full view of fucking everyone!" Fucking idiot.)
#No challenging the toilet to a rap battle while using a giant turd as a microphone. (''Proceeds to rap'' I'm the goddamn Sam, and I'm here to say, I've got the best shit in the USA!)
===Sochi Rules===
===Sochi Rules===