Microsoft Sam reads Ridiculous Windows Errors
From The TTSCpedia
Microsoft Sam reads Ridiculous Windows Errors was a text-to-speech series made by TinyMarioUltra. It ran for two seasons before being cancelled because the creator lost interest in it, was running out of ideas for error messages, and knew that if it went on any longer, there was going to be more two-year hiatuses like in season 1.
|Last Season||2nd (May 17, 2013 - July 25, 2013)|
|Air Date||Season 1: May 3, 2011 - April 29, 2013 Season 2: May 17, 2013 - July 25, 2013|
Season 1 premiered on May 3, 2011 and ended on April 29, 2013 (the very long time gap was due to the creator being lazy and slacking off on making it). This season was very story-oriented, and much of the episodes were taken up by storyline, with the 2-parter finale not even having any errors in order to focus on wrapping up the plot. The next season, when and if it is made, will probably not be as story-oriented, as this makes for very long episodes with not a lot of errors. The first 4 episodes did not have much profanity, but as of the 5th episode it has just as much as any other TTS series.
A variety of antagonists appeared during this season. At first they showed up randomly and were quickly defeated. But it was revealed later on that one of these antagonists, Buzzsaw 9,000, had been brought to life by the ghost of the Devil's Hell Star, using the Life Ray, an invention that could bring any non-living thing to life. He fired it at his dead corpse, along with the dead corpses of his accomplices, to bring them all back from the dead. Buzzsaw 9,000 then mated with the debris of the fifth Diarrhea Death Star, spawning a fertilized egg that grew to the size of Jupiter in one nanosecond, then exploded, and out of the explosion rose the sixth Diarrhea Death Star.
The villains all climbed aboard, and began recruiting more villains into their army. Finally, once their forces were big enough, they invaded Earth 2 and attempted to take it over. However, the Microsoft Voice Military and Radar Overseer Robert's Mutant Ninja Tacos fought back and defeated them all. Satan, enraged that his army had failed, decided to just destroy the planet entirely instead of taking it over. He tried to fire the sixth Diarrhea Death Star's laser, but it decided to be lazy and not fire. Microsoft Sam then appeared aboard out of nowhere, and told Satan, Devil's Hell Star and his Assistant Robot that they were to come with him to Earth 2 to be executed. Devil's Hell Star refused, to which Microsoft Sam responded by blasting off his testicles with a shotgun, forcing Devil's Hell Star and everyone else to comply.
They were executed by being put in a giant pot of boiling water that was slowly lowered down a Spartan Hole leading to Hell. After 10 minutes of this torture, the executioner shot them all with a pistol to kill them, and let the pot drop down to Hell where they would rot for eternity.
2-year gap between episodes
After the 3rd episode of season 1, TinyMarioUltra stopped making episodes for 5 months, from May 9 2011 through October 5 2011, when he released episode 4. He then stopped making episodes for nearly 2 years, from October 5 2011 through April 29 2013, where he released episodes 5 through 7 all on the same day, ending the season. He did this because he got bored of making the series midway through, and nobody watched it, so he gave up. But then one day he felt like doing it again so he picked it back up.
End of the 2-year gap
After those 2 years of absence, Tiny finally made the remaining episodes of season 1 and uploaded them all at the same time. In the story continuum, BlittleMcNilsen (TinyMarioUltra in his past life form) called Sam on the phone telling him that they were going to make a new episode at last. So, Sam read errors as normal, until one made him so angry that he fired into a swearing diatribe, something unprecedented in the series. Sam acknowledged this and Mike explained that the series hadn't had any swearing so far because of the Soccer Mom Virus that the Angry Overprotective Parent Society put on them all a long time ago, but that his rage was so powerful that it killed the virus and now they were all free from the curse.
Everybody was very happy, until Blittle appeared to tell them that he was the one who'd told the AOPPS to infect them with the virus, because he needed an excuse to not have swearing in his videos, because he had a phobia of using swearing, even on the Internet, because of how he was raised and his own brain being stupid, but that he had overcome that now, and he proceeded to spray profanities. He asked to be forgiven, but instead Sam tried to kill him with a ROFL-47. However, Blittle was not killed, because his body was made of gold after he rose from the Diarrhea Infested Toilet. He commanded Sam to read more errors. Sam got to one that essentially forced him to download viruses, which were actually revealed to be the operating system Windows: BlittleMcNilsen Torture Device Edition, which Blittle forced him to download to get revenge for the Diarrhea Infested Toilet incident and for trying to kill him just then. He said that the install disc was forged in the fires of Hell, and that the software was a mutation of the combined powers of Linux Anna, Windows Vista, and "a stinky smear of diarrhea scraped off of a piece of toilet paper from your Diarrhea Infested Toilet". The OS downloaded.
Sam proclaimed that he would endure this OS, only to vividly describe how horrible it was in a rage spaz and kill himself 5 minutes later. Blittle then killed Microsoft Mike after he was about to flee with Microsoft Mary to the Microsoft Voice Military, but left Mary alive so she could suffer the loss of Mike and Sam, because it "made [his] penis hard". Mary assembled the Voice Military, and Blittle, after being briefly possessed by Sam's ghost so that Sam could read errors, assembled the Mutant Ninja Taco army.
The two armies battled in an epic battle, only for Blittle's army to abandon him because they realized he was batshit insane. Blittle then revealed he had a secret weapon; a machine that could take multiple items and fuse them into one. He fused himself with the install disc for Windows: BlittleMcNilsen Torture Device Edition, giving him the powers of himself, the fires of Hell, Linux Anna, Windows Vista, and rotten diarrhea, and creating a gigantic super-being known as Linux Shitsta, who said that he was going to kill Mary and the Voice Military, and then destroy all text to speech voice civilization. Linux Shitsta gave them until the count of 10 to say their last words, and if they'd said nothing by then he'd kill them.
Meanwhile, a guardian angel sent by the forces of Chuck Norris came to Sam in his purgatory and brought him back to life, along with Mike, so that Sam could battle Linux Shitsta. He was the only one with strength to match Shitsta's. So when Shitsta got to 10, Sam appeared and the battle began. At first, Shitsta was incredulous at Sam's strength but Sam revealed that the forces of Chuck Norris had given him new-found power. So the final battle raged on, and when both opponents hung by a thread, they charged at each other. A ROFL-47 is heard, as Sam shouts "For Speakonia!" and then it is revealed that he shot Shitsta in the balls. Shitsta dies, his entire hulking body apparently exploding, and with his last breath he damns Sam "to the Hell that you've sent me to" and exclaims that "one of these days, you're coming down there with me, you tiny little fucking pellet of shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!".
Sam, Mike, and Mary rejoice, and go home. Radar Overseer Robert takes control of BlittleMcNilsen TV Headquarters, until a person named TinyMarioUltra (later revealed to be a reincarnation of the good part of Blittle's soul) buys it from him. 2 months later, Mike finds Sam looking spacey, and talks to him. Sam says he feels guilty because if he hadn't shot Blittle in the first place, none of this would've happened. They talk about how what Blittle was doing was wrong, but that he was right that TTS voices are always at each other's throats for no good reason, and Sam says that he gets that but that that's a defining part of the text to speech civilization, and "if you take away that, you take away part of what makes our multiversal continuum so ridiculously absurd, and that is something I will not stand for," but that perhaps they can "lay off the whole killing-each-other-for-no-good-reason thing just a wee bit."
Season 2 premiered on May 17, 2013, just over two years after the series first began, and was the last season. This season planned to include improvements over the first season, namely shorter episodes, less focus on story and more focus on actual error reading. Whether it achieved these goals or not, the jury is still out.
In this season, Sam reads errors as normal, but is struck by a deadly Crazy Penguin Virus. Several hours later, he recovers enough to read the next error, which reveals that somebody intentionally sent the virus to Sam, and shows an e-mail from this person blackmailing Sam, saying that unless he gives him or her "TP for [his or her] bunghole", he or she will infect Sam again. Sam refuses and states he will have Mike trace the e-mail, stating that Mike is an "e-mail tracing expert". The scene transitions to an unknown location, showing an unknown male individual (presumably the blackmailer), who says "I need TP for my bunghole!".
Mike traces the e-mail and finds out that the sender is from a town called Highland. Sam and Mike drive off to go to this town and kick the blackmailer's ass. Mike drives and Sam sits in the passenger seat with a laptop reading errors. One error says that Mary and Scotty are cleaning out his Diarrhea Infested Toilet while he's gone, and he freaks out, screaming at Mike to turn the car around and go back home so that they can stop him. Mike refuses and says that he's "tired of [Sam] being so protective of that damn toilet. It's fucking putrid." Sam insists that it's "not putrid, it's pure beauty", and demands that Mike give him the steering wheel. They get into a fight over the wheel which ultimately leads to a car crash. Sam and Mike end up in hospital, and Sam continues to read errors from his hospital bed, until the blackmailer visits him. It is revealed that the blackmailer is The Great Cornholio from Beavis and Butt-Head. Cornholio demands Sam give him TP for his bunghole. When Sam refuses, Cornholio infects Sam with the Lazy Polar Bear Virus, making it the first appearance of the virus since season 1 episode 3. The virus knocks Sam into a coma for 3 weeks. He awakes very groggy and with amnesia. Mary is there, visiting him at the hospital, and takes over the error-reading, only to ragequit after 3 errors. Sam reads the 4th error, which tells him that his Diarrhea Infested Toilet has been scrubbed completely clean by Mary and Scotty while he was unconscious. This jogs his memory immediately and his anger is so intense that it unleashes a power throughout his body that heals him and causes his bandages and body cast to explode off of him. He rushes straight back to his house to kick Mary's and Scotty's asses, and sees Cornholio waiting for him at the door demanding TP. Sam shoots him with his ROFL-47 and goes inside, and finds the place is wrecked and abandoned. He enters a bedroom and sees a milk jug that is glowing green. He remembers an error that he read telling him that Milk Overseer Lolcow was sending him her radioactive milk that would kill him as soon as he looked at it, and realizes this is a jug of that milk, which apparently arrived at his house while he was in hospital and caused everybody there to panic and thus the wreckage. Upon realizing this, he shouts profanity, but dies from the radiation before he can finish.
Meanwhile, Milk Overseer Lolcow is discussing her plan to use radioactive milk to kill the brain cells of the world's population so she can conquer them all with nobody in the way to stop her. It is also hinted that she and Cornholio have a connection somehow.
Microsoft Sam and his siblings end up in the purgatory from season 1, where he reads some more errors and eventually, after one particularly irritating error, announces that he is going to quit. Mike and Mary try to talk him out of it, but Sam has made up his mind. Then, the guardian angel from the season 1 finale says that he can't stop quite yet, because he first has to defeat Milk Overseer Lolcow. The angel then resurrects them all, and once they are back to life, they are greeted with an error informing them that Cornholio had been in cahoots with Lolcow the entire time. Lolcow, being a cow, was constantly shitting and needed very heavy duty toilet paper. Microsoft Sam had the most sturdy TP in the world, because all other TPs dissolved from his acidic diarrhea. So, she sent Cornholio out to try and blackmail it from him, since she knew he was very protective of his TP and would never give it up willingly. But when Sam and his siblings died, there was nothing in the way between her and the TP, so she nabbed it.
Sam is enraged at this and fires into a rant, but comes to a realization that raging at the computer screen never solves anything. So, he, Mike and Mary instead go out to the Darilol Headquarters, the milk company that Lolcow runs, and Sam shoots her in the leg and then shoves a stick of dynamite up her ass. In a gruesome explosion, Lolcow is dead. The 3 Speakonia siblings go home.
Some time later, Sam goes to TinyMarioUltra and tells him that he's quitting his job because he's so fed up with all of the insanity-inducing errors he has to put up with, saying that the reason he's angry and bitter all the time is because those errors made him become that way, and he just can't take it anymore. TinyMarioUltra understands and informs him that he's free to go, since he was having thoughts of cancelling the series anyway because he was running out of ideas for error messages and because he can't commit to projects like these for a long time. Sam is overjoyed and heavily relieved, and with that mutual agreement, Microsoft Sam reads Ridiculous Windows Errors comes to an end.
After the credits roll, there is a scene at the end, where Sam is getting on his computer, ready to just kick back and relax for a change, instead of torturing himself with errors. As soon as he says that out loud, however, an error appears. The error reveals that there was still some good leftover in Linux Shitsta's soul from when he was BlittleMcNilsen, but it was overpowered by the overwhelming evil of Blittle's own malice and the powers of Windows: BlittleMcNilsen Torture Device Edition. But when he was killed, the evil part of the soul and the dormant good part split away from each other. The good part reincarnated into an entirely new lifeform, who remembered nothing about its past life, but found itself strangely drawn to the BlittleMcNilsen TV Headquarters. It bought the Headquarters and took charge of them. Its name was TinyMarioUltra. TinyMarioUltra is a reincarnation of the old good part of Blittle's soul. The scene ends with the black "Created by TinyMarioUltra" screen, but a question mark appears ominously at the end of the sentence.